Life's beauty is inseparable from its pain. There is no bloom without thorns, no light without shadow, no growth without struggle. These elements are not just obstacles in our path; they are integral parts of our journey. The way we choose to embrace and navigate these challenges doesn't just shape our experiences—it defines who we become.
Imagine a delicate rose, its vibrant petals reaching the sun, surrounded by sharp thorns. Those thorns, often seen as a nuisance, are the very guardians of the flower's beauty. In much the same way, the challenges we face in life, though painful, can be the protectors of our growth and resilience.
These past few weeks have led me to reflect on something I never thought I would consider, and I wanted to share with you: the best way to deal with unchosen suffering is to embrace chosen suffering. I believe this is the key to getting through the unavoidable pains of life. While this might sound counterintuitive (as it did to me when I first considered it), I think it truly holds the potential to transform how we face hardship.
Unchosen suffering is something that we all experience. It's not within our control to avoid it. At some point, we will all face moments of deep, unpreventable pain. Whether it's losing a loved one, an unexpected health crisis, the breakdown of a relationship, or a major setback in our personal or professional lives. Some of you may have already been through moments like this, and you can agree with me that this unchosen suffering hits hard, almost always without warning.
In moments like these, we feel as though the world is shifting beneath us. How do we continue after losing someone dear to us? How do we pick up the pieces after a dream falls apart? When we have to go through such times, it's easy to feel helpless, lost, or even defeated. But the reality, sad or not depending on how we want to look at it, is that regardless of how much we wish we could, we can't avoid suffering entirely. It is part of what makes us human. It is part of what makes us who we are today and who we will be tomorrow. These are experiences that will always come into our lives, and when they do, if we're not prepared to endure them, they can break us.
The thing I've been going through lately, which I didn't expect to happen, yet it hit me hard and without warning, made me think even more about how difficult it is for those who aren't accustomed to hardship to deal with that unchosen suffering. If we haven't faced any difficulties in life, if everything has always been smooth sailing, when something goes wrong there is a bigger shock, an overwhelming one. It can get so profound that it feels impossible to get back to a sense of normalcy or even believe that life can be joyful again.
This is where, I believe, the idea of chosen suffering comes in. This is suffering that we intentionally seek out. The goal of it is not to get our souls drained or lost. The purpose is growth, strength, or achievement. This suffering might be physical, emotional, or mental. It comes through moments of discomfort. Running a marathon, taking on a difficult creative project, or simply pushing ourselves beyond our limits in any capacity.
I know that at first, this idea of willingly choosing to suffer may seem strange. Why would anyone want to intentionally put themselves through pain or discomfort? I asked this question myself as well. But the truth is, when we choose to endure something hard, we are training ourselves to be more resilient. By experiencing discomfort on our own terms, we develop the skills and mental toughness needed to handle the unchosen suffering that life inevitably throws at us.
To make myself clear, and ensure that you understand my message: Choosing to suffer doesn't mean we're seeking out negativity or pain for the sake of it. Rather, we are putting ourselves in situations where we are tested, challenged, and stretched beyond our comfort zones. These are the moments that teach us how to endure, adapt, and overcome.
Athletes train under intense conditions, putting their bodies through grueling workouts, often facing pain and discomfort. Entrepreneurs take on the risk of failure, working through long hours, stress, and uncertainty. Artists continually expose themselves to criticism, vulnerability, and the emotional toll of creative expression. Each one of them is choosing to suffer in pursuit of something greater, and in doing so, they develop resilience. They become stronger.
Through this chosen suffering, they cultivate the ability to bounce back from hardships, to keep going even when the road gets tough. And the more they suffer, the more resilient they become. This resilience that they've cultivated through chosen suffering doesn't help them only in the situations they choose to face. It helps them even when the unexpected hits. They are better equipped to handle it because they've trained themselves to endure discomfort.
When we constantly choose to challenge ourselves, we develop confidence in our ability to overcome difficulty. We learn that while discomfort is inevitable, it is also temporary. (Regardless of how long discomfort may be present in your life, it is temporary. It shall pass). The more we engage in chosen suffering, the less frightening and overwhelming unchosen suffering becomes. We've been here before – not in the same way, but we know what it means to endure. We know that pain and difficulty can be survived and that there's strength to be found on the other side.
The thing that helped me embrace chosen suffering was that I stopped looking at it as being about surviving difficulty and started looking at it as a tool for growth. I asked myself, what if discomfort can be the experience that uplifts me instead of the one that brings me down and makes me suffer? I understood that whatever I chose to go through can lead to significant personal development. I've seen it as suffering with a purpose, deeply aligned with my life's purpose.
I knew that I was suffering for a reason. I was seeking something, sometimes known while other times unknown, that could only be found if I was willing to push myself through such an experience. I believed and later found out that beyond the discomfort, there is something valuable waiting on the other side.
This shift in mindset helped me a lot throughout my journey. Instead of seeing suffering as something to be avoided at all costs, I started to view it as a necessary part of my growth. I don't enjoy suffering, don't get me wrong. But I understand its value. Each time I choose to suffer willingly, I actually immerse myself in an opportunity to become stronger, wiser, and more resilient.
I know that my words are even harder to believe in today's world where comfort is the main thing that is being prioritized. But, I believe that different from the past, today's society is more fragile, and mostly because many have chosen to live relatively comfortable lives, surrounded by conveniences that make things easier. And this doesn't mean that all these people who live "comfortably" are pleased with their lives. I know many who want more, who are not happy about their current state of living, but in the same manner are not willing to embrace discomfort and see how their lives can change. And that's why these people, whenever something goes wrong in their lives, are suffering the most. They are not used to the "unusual", to discomfort. They are unprepared to handle it.
Yet, if they were to embrace discomfort and act more on their true desires to have their lives changed, the way they deal with these unexpected hardships would be different. They would have built mental toughness, emotional resilience, and physical strength. They would have become less fragile and more capable. They would have stopped fearing hardship because they knew they could endure it, and more importantly, grow from it.
Embracing chosen suffering is one of the best ways to prepare for life's unchosen suffering. It's about shifting from fragility to strength, from fear to confidence, and from avoidance to acceptance. When we choose to face challenges head-on, we're no longer at the mercy of life's difficulties; we become active participants in our own growth.
You don't have to be an athlete, entrepreneur, or artist to embrace chosen suffering. You simply need to be yourself. There are plenty of ways through which you can integrate this practice into your everyday life. You can simply start by setting a personal goal that challenges you, whether it's physical, mental, or emotional.
You must seek out situations that test your limits. The key is to choose to put yourself in a situation where you will experience discomfort for the sake of growth.
And regardless of how delusional it may sound, I am telling you this from my own experience: when life inevitably throws unchosen suffering your way, you'll be better prepared. You'll have already built the resilience and strength needed to navigate through difficult times. You'll know that while pain is unavoidable, it is also surmountable. You'll have the confidence to keep moving forward, knowing that you've endured hardship before and come out stronger on the other side.
In the end, life shouldn't be about avoiding suffering, but about learning how to rise above it. By embracing chosen suffering, we train ourselves to be resilient, adaptable, and strong. We build the mental and emotional muscles needed to face life's inevitable challenges. And in doing so, we transform our pain into power.
Thus, the next time you face an unchosen hardship, think about the power of chosen suffering. Every challenge is an opportunity to grow. Every moment of discomfort is a chance to become stronger. Life's difficulties will still come, but with each chosen challenge, we're preparing ourselves to handle them with grace, strength, and resilience.
Life's beauty is inseparable from its pain. There is no bloom without thorns, no light without shadow, no growth without struggle. These elements are not just obstacles in our path; they are integral parts of our journey. The way we choose to embrace and navigate these challenges doesn't just shape our experiences—it defines who we become.
I suffered. I learned. I changed.
And so can you.
Thank you for reading!
Have a blessed day!🌹
Eduard🌹
