“Most growth comes not from becoming someone new, but from unbecoming the old.”

This powerful phrase I heard a while ago made me reflect deeply on myself and my journey. At first glance, it seemed counterintuitive, even strange. We live in a world that celebrates becoming: becoming successful, becoming wise, becoming more than we once were. How was I supposed to know that unbecoming is actually the key to becoming? It made me reflect and question myself: What if real growth doesn't follow this script? What if, rather than building ourselves up, true transformation often comes from a process of peeling away layers - of shedding, unlearning, and letting go of what no longer serves us? This idea stayed with me, and upon a lot of reflection and action, I realized how profoundly it applies to my own story.

When we think about growth, we usually think of an additive process. This is something we've been used to since our early years. The more you put together, the more you have. Acquiring new skills, cultivating new habits, reaching for new achievements – all of these are things that we think of when it comes to growth. I started to look at them as outward expressions of success, as measurable markers that can validate our progress. I am sure that most of you think about these elements as well when it comes to growth. And because of this, please let me pose these two questions: How often do we stop to examine the layers of belief, fear, and doubt that we've accumulated along the way? How often have you said you wanted something, only to have your internal dialogue create barriers that kept you from achieving it?

I know I have. And for so many times... I've had dreams, goals, visions of what I wanted to achieve. And just as often, I've encountered resistance – not from the world outside, but from within. There was a voice in my head, quiet but persistent, that would whisper: “What if you're not good enough? What if this isn't for you?” And this voice went beyond my “professional” life. It deeply affected my personal life as well. It made me hesitate to make choices that I felt were right for me. It made me look at right things as being wrong. I am sure that this is a voice that many of you know well. The voice of past stories, fears we've absorbed from our environment, and beliefs we didn't even realize we were holding onto.

This voice represents the place where the idea of “unbecoming” takes root. It's not about abandoning our desire, ambition, or growth. It's about recognizing that sometimes before we can truly step forward, we need to take a step inward and dismantle the invisible barriers that hold us back. In my own journey, I've realized that much of what has kept me from reaching my potential wasn't external circumstances, but the internal baggage I was unknowingly carrying.

The more I reflect on this matter, the more I realize that we don't always recognize how much of ourselves we are covering up. Over time, we accumulate beliefs about who we should be, what we're capable of, or what we should or shouldn't do, often shaped by the expectations of others or past experiences that should no longer be relevant in our lives. We absorb societal standards, family pressures, and our own experiences, and allow them to shape the identity we carry. And while this identity seems familiar, it may not always serve us.

It's so easy to think, especially as we've been taught since we were just an embryo to believe it, that in order to grow we need to add something new to our lives – new skills, new knowledge, new perspectives. But often, the most powerful growth comes from stripping away what isn't truly us. In my own journey, I've found that unbecoming the old - the outdated, limiting versions of myself – has been far more transformative than trying to become someone else.

Please consider the stories we tell ourselves. How many of us have held on to a narrative that no longer fits because it's familiar? How many of us kept holding onto an experience of the past for so long that it didn't allow us to see or enjoy the present at all? We might believe we're not good enough, that we don't deserve success, that we're less capable than others, and that what could be now will be the same as it was in the past... These are some of the stories that have become ingrained in us, shaping our actions and limiting our potential. But they are not true. They're just stories, constructed over time, often unconsciously, based on experiences that no longer reflect our current reality.

To “unbecome”, we need to challenge these stories. The process of unbecoming is about questioning these assumptions we've made about ourselves and asking: Is this really who I am, or is this just who I've been taught to believe I am? When we begin to shed these limiting beliefs, we make space for something new - something more authentic and aligned with our true selves.

Last week, I wrote about fear and how we allow it to control our lives, and unbecoming is strongly bonded to fear, as this process of letting go of the old is about letting go of fear. Fear of failure, fear of judgment, fear of not being enough... Fear, in its many forms, is one of the most powerful forces that keeps us stuck in old patterns. We fear stepping into the unknown because the familiar, even if it's limiting, feels safer. But true growth requires a willingness to step outside that comfort zone and confront the discomfort of uncertainty.

It's easy to say, but much harder to do. There's a certain comfort in the familiar, even when it doesn't serve us. The habits, roles, and beliefs we've carried for so long become like a second skin, and peeling them away can feel like losing a part of ourselves. But, if we were to reflect, we would realize that what we're shedding are not parts of our true selves, but rather layers that have been obscuring who we really are underneath.

As you embark on this journey of unbecoming, you will notice something interesting (I did as well): the more I let go, the more I discovered about myself. It was as if each layer I released revealed a deeper truth, a clearer sense of who I had been all along. It made me look at myself and my own life from a new perspective. And it wasn't about creating a new identity, but rather about uncovering the one that had been there all along, hidden beneath the weight of expectations, fears, and self-doubt.

Unbecoming is not about rejection, but about refinement. It's about distilling yourself down to your essence, to the parts of you that are unshakable and true. And in doing so, you come to realize a profound truth: growth is not a process of addition, but of subtraction. It's not about acquiring more, but about letting go of what no longer aligns with who you are.

You will face a lot of moments of doubt, discomfort, or wondering if you're making the right choices in this process. You will face times when you feel exposed, vulnerable, or unsure of what comes next. But instead of feeling discouraged, of feeling like you are losing touch with yourself, you need to remember that this discomfort is actually a sign that you're shedding what no longer serves you. A sign that you're making space for something new, something more aligned with your true self.

The most meaningful growth in my life has come from letting go – letting go of outdated beliefs, letting go of fears, letting go of the need for validation... And while I am not YET where I want to be, they helped me gain a deeper sense of peace and clarity.

Thus, as my words come to an end, I want to leave you with a few questions to reflect upon, ones that I am still reflecting on from time to time until I reach the destination I want to:

What do you need to let go of in order to grow? What stories, fears, or beliefs are you holding onto that no longer serve you? And most importantly, are you willing to trust that in unbecoming the old, you are not losing anything, but instead making space for something truer, something more aligned with who you are meant to be?

And remember, true growth doesn't come from becoming someone new. It comes from unbecoming all the things that are not you. It is a process in which you will find that you are not becoming less, but rather, you are becoming more of who you've always been.

Thank you!

Have a blessed day!🌹

Eduard🌹